consequence.blogg.se

 

 

Forever since last time but you know what, whatever. I can write whenever I want. No one reads this anyway, and that's just perfect. This is just like my diary, or something.

 

What has happened? A lot.

 

I still miss you so much, it actually hurts. But I really try my best to be strong, even though I'm not.

 

 

I tried to commit suicide the other day. But I never did it. I didn't take a swin. 

The reason I'm still here is because of a stupid little app called instagram. I am dedicating my life on there right now. I have met so many nice people there who actually cares. I have made some awesome friends. I really love them. 

 

 

- My suicide story -

 

Just as soon as I woke up I knew it was gonna be a horrible day. I kept reminding me that everything was going to be fine. You can get through school, this day. It's soon over. Just some more days and then no more of that school. No more people judging you. Just a new beginning.

I was made fun of all day.

The teacher saw what happened but they didn't do a thing.

 

I went to the library at lunch. It was nice. I was reading, which I love. But then the thought came up.
What if this was the last book I ever touched? What if this was the last day at school? I could just end it you know. No one would miss me, they don't even want me here.

I went to the library after school again. I wrote a little goodbye letter to my dear followers and friends I had made on instagram. I didn't post it though. I read a bit but then some people from school joined me. Some? I meant to say a lot of people. A whole classs I would say, maybe even two. I sighed and took a deep breath, they would leave me soon. They never did. After 20 minutes or so, some boys came up to me and sat down beside me. They talked about a book. They talked about what they should do to make me leave. Yes, I heard them. Every word. Every horrible word. This was enough.

I posted the letter I wrote on my instagram, letting my fandom family know this was the goodbye.

 

After that, I left the library. I walked around for a bit in the forrest, thinking how was I gonna do it? My shoes were wet so I went home and changed them, I also wrote a little note to my famil.y 

 

 

Lies. I then left. I went to the cemetery and visited my grandpa that I never had the chance to meet. I cried. Why I didn't know. I missed him and I cried. I cried so much I wasn't able to see anymore. My eyes hurt but I still cried. I don't know for how long I was standing there but after a long while, I continued to walk towards the lake that was nearby. I stood there, just watching the birds chilling on the water. This was it, this was fucking it. They won. I give up.

But then, I looked at my phone, I thought for the last time.

 

At that moment, I was paralyzed. I couldn't move. All I saw on my phone was the sweetest comments from my dear internet friends, my dearest followers. Even though I cried so much earlier a few more tears fell down on my cheeks.

 

I then went home.

 

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To be honest, I don't rememebr much of that day after I got home. And I don't want to talk about it really. I made a horrible mistake posting that but at the same time I might be thanking them all in the future. I don't know now, that we'll have to see. But from now, bye.